It's all a matter of perspective.

Friday, October 04, 2002


Striesand Public Policy Institute
5670 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90036
October 4, 2002

CONFIDENTIAL

President Busch
1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Washington, DC 20502

Attention: Karl Rove; Leo McGarry, Richard Cheney

Dear Sir:

Subject: War with Iraq

Sir, I refer to you as President Busch only out of respect to the office. You know and I know that you stole your position from my dear friend Al Gore through the dubious use of an evil conservative Supreme Court. You know and I know that you lost the popular vote, and only got the votes you did because of your family’s beer empire wealth. As Shakespeare said, “If you see the son of a rich man doing something you don’t like, that is because he is a dirty, selfish, money-grubbing punk. I should know, for I am Othello.” Besides that, Busch is not a very tasty beverage.

But I must now speak to you regarding an issue much more important, an area that I am an expert in. I must speak of a matter that I have spent years studying and all night thinking about. That is of course, War with Iraq.

Don’t do it. It is that simple. Someone might get hurt. I hate that. Plus it would be expensive. We could be using all of that money to buy poor homeless single mothers a television. They have poor people in Iraq also, Mr. Busch. I know that means nothing to you because you have a history of hating the poor and minorities. Iraq is, after all a nation of minorities. I recently found out that almost all of the population of Iraq is made up of Arab-Americans.

Now about this Saddam Hussein character, let me tell you that I don’t think he is as bad as you make him out to be. I mean, how could he be? He is a person just like me and you. He has feelings and family that love him. As Norman Mailer once wrote, “If you cut him, will he not bleed? And I should know, for I am Hitler.”

Now I do not like Saddam’s mustache any more than the next beautiful and talented singer and actress does, but is that any reason to hate? I think not, Mr. Busch. I mean, Rosie O’Donnell has a similar mustache, but she is a harmless, humorous, lesbian. (A valid and wonderful lifestyle choice I might add.) Perhaps instead of trying to kill him, we should let Saddam host the Grammy Awards. Then maybe we could foster some understanding. I would gladly accept a much deserved lifetime-achievement award from him. Don’t hate, congratulate. Or as the great Jewish writer, Moses once wrote, “L'Chiam! Sie haut gevain a courva in de momma' s bouch! Shainera menchen haut me gelicht in drert! Oy! Mazeltov! And I should know, for I am tired and my ankles are a little sore.”

To sum up, Mr. Busch: You are not my president. Your family’s beer is watered down and tastes like piss. Don’t hate, congratulate. Mustached lesbian dictators are people too. I am right. You are wrong. I quoted a lot of famous people to prove my point. Shlemiel and Shlemazel.

Sincerely,

Barbra Streisand
Sr. Policy Advisor
Striesand Public Policy Institute

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