this was published in the weekly Modern Humorist newsletter. It made me giggle.
True facts: Vin Diesel X-posed!
by Bobby Mort
Real Name: Leonard Dieselwitz
Vin Diesel's first big break came when he wrote and directed a low-budget film about Man's search for his place in the universe called "Dude, My Arms Are Huge!"
While Vin was a bouncer in New York City, Vin Diesel got into a scuffle and accidentally killed one of the Fat Boys.
Vin Diesel shaves his head because his actual hair is dense shrubbery.
Vin Diesel's first kiss was with his biceps.
Not wanting to be pigeonholed, Vin Diesel hopes to do adventure movies as well as action movies.
Much has been made of Vin Diesel's multi-racial appeal, but he is 100% Chinaman.
Vin Diesel can chop a tree in half with his steely gaze.
In high school, Vin Diesel formed a barbershop trio called the Aca-Fellas with friends Mike Octane and Jimmy Fuel.
Vin Diesel was the voice of the robot in "The Iron Giant," and he also did voice work in Disney's classic "The Great Mouse Detective" as a giant robot.
Vin Diesel is half cougar.
Vin Diesel claims he could've stopped 9/11 if he'd only had access to a giant harpoon gun.