It's all a matter of perspective.

Thursday, August 22, 2002

Dick: Greetings Mr. Presley! Welcome to the White House.

King: Thank you, thank you very . . . well you know the rest.

D: So how are things down in Memphis?

K: I wouldn’t know, Mr. Pres. The Colonel has been keeping me on the move these days. When I am not in Vegas, he is traveling me ‘round the rest of the country.

D: So what brings you to Washington?

K: I was looking to get me one of those smooth badges.

D: A badge? Why didn’t you ask a Memphis cop, or even the chief of police? Why go all the way to the president?

K: ‘cause I want one of those dope badges.

D: You mean the DEA?

K: Whatever, Cat. All I know is them dopes is bad, bad stuff! Sunny and Red was telling me about them Dopers and how crazy they are.

D: But Mr. Presley, what are you going to do to fight drug use?

K: I seen those Hippies, Man them is some crazy fellers. All Wild eyed and long haired, I tell you it just ain’t natural. Hippies! Every last one of them. Taking drugs and havin’ matrimonial relations outside of the Lord’s own covenant of Marriage. You know why those hippies think that they can get away with acting like that? I’ll tell you why: Dope. It’s that damn dope. Bad stuff I tell you, Bad stuff.

D: Well in that case, Mr. Presley, I think we can find you a DEA badge. I hate those damn hippies myself. Always protesting and acting like a bunch of communists. I tell you, a bath would do them a world of good.

K: I tell you what else I hate, that is those dang manatees. I tell you those are some fat, lazy, ugly looking creatures.

D: I don’t know what you are talking about.

K: always making those jolly little smiley faces whenever they pop up. Look over there man, there is one of those damn manatees right there. Look at that thing, Man that thing is huge!

D: Sir, are you alright?

K: Back off there real nice and slow there, Dick. I see one of them there manatees headed this way.

D: Now you listen here, Mr. Presley . . .

Sonny and Red: (in unison) Please do not touch The King unless he requests it, sir.

K: Say Dick, you know what I love? Big baggy silk pajamas. That and bacon. Man, when you get up at 3:00 in the afternoon from a long nights sleep and you got on your big baggy floral pattern silk pajamas and no underwear underneath and then that sweet old black lady that lives in the basement brings you a big plate of bacon. Could you rustle me up some bacon, Dick? Bacon with some white gravy. That would be real nice. First lets take us a pretty picture for all my lovin’ fans.

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