July 31, 2002
Col. Tom Parker
P.O. Box 165025
I was very excited to notice your advertisement for the position of rock-and-roller in the online edition of the Middle Tennessee News & Information. After reading the qualifications listed therein, I feel that I am uniquely gifted for the position and would enjoy it immensely.
As an outgoing man with a southern heritage I have always been very interested in rocking out. I consider myself a handsome man with magnificent hair and many times I have found myself encouraging my friends and acquaintances, both male and female, to not touch my pompadour under penalty of butt-whipping. I have purchased books on Elvis and sought out historical landmarks in downtown Memphis. Politically I support the legalization of drugs and candidates who can rock as an important part of our culture.
This position further interests me, as I am highly motivated and interested in being rich and famous. I have a passion for expensive goods and being revered. I would be particularly excited in sharing the stories of my rock and roll experiences of yesterday and today with the producers of VH1’s behind the music. I would be happy to work up a sample jam to show my abilities and rocking style. Also I would be willing to change my name to something more suitable of a rock-and-roller if you feel it appropriate. I was thinking something along the lines of Dirk Joad, but am open to suggestion.
Nathaniel W. Greer