Friday, May 02, 2003
In honor of Dan's new blog, I would like to rerun a post from September 17, 2002.
My best buddy is named Dan. Dan is a big fat sweaty lazy hairy musician, just like me. That is why we hit it off so well. For a day job, Dan learned how to break in to cars. He got himself a cell phone and an ad in the yellow pages . . . instant locksmith career. Now he spends most of the day sitting in front of his computer, surfing EBay for sweet bass guitars. Did I mention that Dan is much smarter than me? He talked his wife into letting them get DSL instead of cable, and then he just stole cable from the neighbors for free.
We came from the same town and I knew who he was, but we did not hang out. When I was in ninth grade my old man gave me a guitar for my birthday. It was just what I had always wanted. After I had exhausted all of Pop’s knowledge I wanted to learn more about pickin’ and grinnin’. I went to the high school band director and said, “Mr. C, where could I get some guitar lessons.” I was expecting him to send me to some college professor, but he replied, “You should talk to Dan the Man!”
I said, “But Dan is into heavy metal. Besides, I thought that he was a bass player.”
You see I was a little bit scared of Dan because (a) I did not really know him (b) He had long hair and wore slayer T-shirts and (c) He hung out with The Great Whoreior – Corey Shepherd.
Mr. C said to me, “Big Nate, He is the pest guitar player around. I know you two will hit it off.”
Turns out Mr. C was damn right, we did hit it off. I gave Dan ten bucks a lesson for three weeks. At that point we had exhausted all of his knowledge also. Then he went back to playing the bass and we started jamming as peers.
Dan lived in a tiny little trailer house with about 27 brothers. His room had two beds in it. We would sit on the beds facing each other and play for hours. All we knew were Cream and Zepplin and AC/DC and Guns N Roses, but we would rock them all night.
With Jody Evans and the Silver Crickets we put the rock in rockabilly.
We joined the music department of various universities and learned something about music.
With The Electric Church we put the funk in dysfunctional.
One time we crashed an open mic coffee house at a college. We played an avant garde improvisation for thirty minutes while two guys we had recruited from the visual art department smeared paint on a huge canvas and we all freaked out. Finally this little black kid in the front row got fed up with all of the weirdness. He jumped on this drum kit that was set up for the next act and started laying down a beat. Daniel and I accepted his challenge and rose to the funk. Another black kid jumped up, grabbed a mic and started freestylin’ some rhymes. We brought the crowd to their feet.
Next we started a jazz quartet with a drummer and a horn player. We could never come up with a name, although we had some good ideas. (Fugitive Squirrel, Clearly Disturbed Beavers, Jesus Chrysler, The Colostomy Bags, My gay uncle, Purple Monkey Discharge, The President's Penis, My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, The Ed Fuqua Experience, The Underwear Men, Pissing Razors, Spiked Fondue, Jazz Ass) So I told the guy who owned the bar that we were the Daniel Schoultz Quartet. Dan has never forgiven me for this. One day we were playing this reception at one of the colleges and several members of the music faculty came and sat in with us. These guys were world class jazz musicians and we were clearly poseurs along side them, but it was a compliment that they even jammed with us.
With the Mark Currey Band we molded contemporary worship music and alt-country into a polysynthesis that only a Roach could despise.
We have been playing together at church for the last few years and that is where the real music is at; getting to worship the King along side my best friend while using this amazing gift that God has given to us. Jamming with Dan on Wednesdays at church is my most cherished memory.
Last Sunday night we got to rock the Decorative Arts Museum, opening up for a band that was much better than us. Dan booked the gig, so what did he name us . . . The Nathaniel Greer Trio. Vengeance is mine, this saith the Dan.
My best buddy is named Dan. Dan is a big fat sweaty lazy hairy musician, just like me. That is why we hit it off so well. For a day job, Dan learned how to break in to cars. He got himself a cell phone and an ad in the yellow pages . . . instant locksmith career. Now he spends most of the day sitting in front of his computer, surfing EBay for sweet bass guitars. Did I mention that Dan is much smarter than me? He talked his wife into letting them get DSL instead of cable, and then he just stole cable from the neighbors for free.
We came from the same town and I knew who he was, but we did not hang out. When I was in ninth grade my old man gave me a guitar for my birthday. It was just what I had always wanted. After I had exhausted all of Pop’s knowledge I wanted to learn more about pickin’ and grinnin’. I went to the high school band director and said, “Mr. C, where could I get some guitar lessons.” I was expecting him to send me to some college professor, but he replied, “You should talk to Dan the Man!”
I said, “But Dan is into heavy metal. Besides, I thought that he was a bass player.”
You see I was a little bit scared of Dan because (a) I did not really know him (b) He had long hair and wore slayer T-shirts and (c) He hung out with The Great Whoreior – Corey Shepherd.
Mr. C said to me, “Big Nate, He is the pest guitar player around. I know you two will hit it off.”
Turns out Mr. C was damn right, we did hit it off. I gave Dan ten bucks a lesson for three weeks. At that point we had exhausted all of his knowledge also. Then he went back to playing the bass and we started jamming as peers.
Dan lived in a tiny little trailer house with about 27 brothers. His room had two beds in it. We would sit on the beds facing each other and play for hours. All we knew were Cream and Zepplin and AC/DC and Guns N Roses, but we would rock them all night.
With Jody Evans and the Silver Crickets we put the rock in rockabilly.
We joined the music department of various universities and learned something about music.
With The Electric Church we put the funk in dysfunctional.
One time we crashed an open mic coffee house at a college. We played an avant garde improvisation for thirty minutes while two guys we had recruited from the visual art department smeared paint on a huge canvas and we all freaked out. Finally this little black kid in the front row got fed up with all of the weirdness. He jumped on this drum kit that was set up for the next act and started laying down a beat. Daniel and I accepted his challenge and rose to the funk. Another black kid jumped up, grabbed a mic and started freestylin’ some rhymes. We brought the crowd to their feet.
Next we started a jazz quartet with a drummer and a horn player. We could never come up with a name, although we had some good ideas. (Fugitive Squirrel, Clearly Disturbed Beavers, Jesus Chrysler, The Colostomy Bags, My gay uncle, Purple Monkey Discharge, The President's Penis, My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, The Ed Fuqua Experience, The Underwear Men, Pissing Razors, Spiked Fondue, Jazz Ass) So I told the guy who owned the bar that we were the Daniel Schoultz Quartet. Dan has never forgiven me for this. One day we were playing this reception at one of the colleges and several members of the music faculty came and sat in with us. These guys were world class jazz musicians and we were clearly poseurs along side them, but it was a compliment that they even jammed with us.
With the Mark Currey Band we molded contemporary worship music and alt-country into a polysynthesis that only a Roach could despise.
We have been playing together at church for the last few years and that is where the real music is at; getting to worship the King along side my best friend while using this amazing gift that God has given to us. Jamming with Dan on Wednesdays at church is my most cherished memory.
Last Sunday night we got to rock the Decorative Arts Museum, opening up for a band that was much better than us. Dan booked the gig, so what did he name us . . . The Nathaniel Greer Trio. Vengeance is mine, this saith the Dan.
The unthinkable has happened. Hide the women and children. Daniel has a blog.
http://theasthmaticlocksmith.blogspot.com
Welcome. At last a unknown world of evil has come to the surface. Here you will know the horror of the home service security industry. My friends, you will be shocked by the TRUE accounts posted here in the future. Also there might be some stuff about hot chicks.
http://theasthmaticlocksmith.blogspot.com
Thursday, May 01, 2003
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Test
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | High |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | High |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Low |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | High |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Low |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Low |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Very Low |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Low |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Moderate |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Very Low |
Take the Dante's Inferno Test
Monday, April 28, 2003
Hey Barber, Did you know that Beck has a blog?
Also, as best as I could tell, you did not ruin your wife's day, but you sure did not help it.
Did the O's win?
Also, as best as I could tell, you did not ruin your wife's day, but you sure did not help it.
Did the O's win?
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
Several people, namely Dan and John, have asked what happened with my Dell Laptop that I had to send back. Well, I’ll tell you.
After receiving much runaround, I got on google and searched for “email Michael Dell.” The search produced two-email address. At about 5:00PM I sent both of them the lengthy email that I posted on my blog here.
The next morning at 9:00 I received a phone call from the manager of the Dell escalation team.
At 5:00 that afternoon Airborne Express picked up the computer from my house.
Two days later, at 9:00 in the morning, Fed Ex returned the computer to my doorstep.
It has ran like a Singer sewing machine every since.
The moral of the story is: Screw the chain of command; go straight to the top with your complaints.
After receiving much runaround, I got on google and searched for “email Michael Dell.” The search produced two-email address. At about 5:00PM I sent both of them the lengthy email that I posted on my blog here.
The next morning at 9:00 I received a phone call from the manager of the Dell escalation team.
At 5:00 that afternoon Airborne Express picked up the computer from my house.
Two days later, at 9:00 in the morning, Fed Ex returned the computer to my doorstep.
It has ran like a Singer sewing machine every since.
The moral of the story is: Screw the chain of command; go straight to the top with your complaints.
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned
his tail and fled!
What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Monday, April 21, 2003
This article is unbelievable and cannot possibly be true. Basically it says that scientists have created a machine that will turn anything you put into it into oil, water, and non-toxic solids. Read it. If it is true, the Middle East suddenly becomes insignificant.
In other news, Janna is finally back from maternity leave.
"Everybody says that," says Appel. He is a tall, affable entrepreneur who has assembled a team of scientists, former government leaders, and deep-pocketed investors to develop and sell what he calls the thermal depolymerization process, or TDP. The process is designed to handle almost any waste product imaginable, including turkey offal, tires, plastic bottles, harbor-dredged muck, old computers, municipal garbage, cornstalks, paper-pulp effluent, infectious medical waste, oil-refinery residues, even biological weapons such as anthrax spores. According to Appel, waste goes in one end and comes out the other as three products, all valuable and environmentally benign: high-quality oil, clean-burning gas, and purified minerals that can be used as fuels, fertilizers, or specialty chemicals for manufacturing.
Unlike other solid-to-liquid-fuel processes such as cornstarch into ethanol, this one will accept almost any carbon-based feedstock. If a 175-pound man fell into one end, he would come out the other end as 38 pounds of oil, 7 pounds of gas, and 7 pounds of minerals, as well as 123 pounds of sterilized water.
In other news, Janna is finally back from maternity leave.
Friday, April 04, 2003
Michael Kelly was a great writer and by all accounts a wonderful person. He was one of my favorite columnists and half of the reason that I subscribe to the Atlantic. (the other half is P.J. O'Rourke) His passing fills me with sadness.
I stole this from Jay Nordlinger.
"The eight Saddam body doubles are gathered in one of the bunkers in downtown Baghdad. Tariq Aziz, the deputy prime minister, comes in and says, 'I have some good news and some bad news.' They ask for the good news first.
"Aziz says, 'The good news is that Saddam is still alive, so you all still have jobs.'
"'And the bad news?' they ask.
"Aziz replies, 'He's lost an arm.'"
"The eight Saddam body doubles are gathered in one of the bunkers in downtown Baghdad. Tariq Aziz, the deputy prime minister, comes in and says, 'I have some good news and some bad news.' They ask for the good news first.
"Aziz says, 'The good news is that Saddam is still alive, so you all still have jobs.'
"'And the bad news?' they ask.
"Aziz replies, 'He's lost an arm.'"
Thursday, April 03, 2003
The Airborne Express guy just picked up my Laptop. I'm pretty sure they are going to loose it. He did not have a box for me to put it in, and he did not have a tracking sticker to put on the box. THe first thing that he said to me when I walked out was, "Man they only put one of those laptop boxes on our trucks a day, and I already used mine up. You got a box?"
I called the guy from the Dell Escalation team back and left him a voice mail message. He returned my call as soon as I hung up. He set up an appointment for my laptop to be picked up this afternoon and apologized for the confusion.
I said, "I do not want to get back my computer with a note saying they did not replace anything."
He said, "Don't worry. I am the technical support manager and I outrank all of those guys. I am going to make sure that does not happen."
I'll keep you posted.
I said, "I do not want to get back my computer with a note saying they did not replace anything."
He said, "Don't worry. I am the technical support manager and I outrank all of those guys. I am going to make sure that does not happen."
I'll keep you posted.
Miss J found this ad in her weekly scanning of the Sunday classifieds.
That is a description of my dream job. I will be applying.
EDITORIAL PAGE EDITOR
A daily Arkansas newspaper seeks a well-written,
thoughtful individual to serve as editorial writer and editorial page editor. Responsibilities will include producing daily local editorials based on discussions with the newspaper editorial board and original research, writing a weekly column, coordinating letters to the editor, managing staff and freelance column writers and interacting with people in the community. Some newsroom copy editing will also be required. The job will require someone who is a quick learner about local issues who can write well-crafted editorials that seek to engage readers and broaden their understanding of issues. An ability to explain and defend the newspaper's editorial perspective is vital. If you can show an ability to write persuasively and accurately, please submit a cover letter, resume, and writing samples (preferably opinion pieces)
That is a description of my dream job. I will be applying.
Mark Steyn once said, " . . . there's the ironclad rule that every news story, no matter how unprecedented, eventually becomes a story about how the media cover the story."
If we had not crossed that line yet in the war coverage, we flew past it last night.
About 11:00 local time Keith Olbermann was on MSNBC talking to a media expert about how Geraldo's sins in Iraq were much greater than Peter Arnett's.
I think that they are both idots.
If we had not crossed that line yet in the war coverage, we flew past it last night.
About 11:00 local time Keith Olbermann was on MSNBC talking to a media expert about how Geraldo's sins in Iraq were much greater than Peter Arnett's.
I think that they are both idots.
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
From Michael Kelley's Sunday coulmn.
As Col. William Grimsley, commander of the division's 1st Brigade, put it, the Iraqis have not so much attacked American positions as impaled themselves on them.
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